Our children are gifts from God, specifically meant to be ours, and we are privileged to be their parents. Being a Mom, for me, has been a joy unlike no other. Conversely, I have also never experienced such intense pain and sorrow during this journey. While parenthood can certainly be extreme on either end of the emotional spectrum, there is also the mundane and predictable “in between.”It’s during an “average day” that I can take for granted or forget why I love Brian so much. We go through the daily routines, meet the necessary obligations, handle both the expected and unexpected challenges, then do it all over again the next day… so much time and effort are required, often leaving little energy and sometimes a bad attitude especially if we are overwhelmed, frustrated, and tired. At least that’s how I feel sometimes anyway.
I realize that I have to be very intentional with my positive thoughts and actions during those times, especially when I don’t feel like it . Being negative comes more naturally, yet you realize it’s better in the long run to live your life in a positive way. It’s like exercising a muscle that you know will be stronger if you use it, but actually doing the work to achieve this end takes a strong mindset, determination, and belief that the effort is worth it. History has shown me over and over again that this is certainly true. But sometimes a strong self-will is just not enough- I need a role model! I have always found such inspiration in my beloved Brian. He is the one who ultimately gets me back on track, shows me the way, and sets me straight by the genuine life that he leads daily with strength and grace. How I wish Brian could fully understand exactly what he means to me and how he has impacted my life for the better in a million different ways… If Brian were able to read, this is the letter I would write to him:
My Dearest Brian,
You are the BEST son a Mom could ever hope for! I love you so very much! I never thought that I would ever become a parent, then God gave me the best gift in you. I think you were pretty excited to join our family too, as you arrived a month ahead of schedule. What a surprise, so wonderful and very scary at the same time!
Dad and I were both very sad when we learned that you were born with Down syndrome, but that didn’t change how much we adored you from the moment we laid eyes on your beautiful face! You were feisty, hungry, and sleepy, just like any other infant. You loved to be held, enjoyed your baths, and were always so happy to be retrieved from your crib, regardless of the hour. We were so frightened when you had your open heart surgery at 3 months old, but you persevered and showed us how truly resilient and strong you really were, the first of many times in your young life that you would do so…
You endured lots of therapies, doctors, and a second diagnosis of autism. Our hearts were broken and fearful of what life would have in store for you as a result of your dual diagnosis . Those early years especially were very difficult, but once again, you have shown over time that you can overcome obstacles victoriously! You have been a role model for what CAN be, despite the very heavy burden that you will always carry. I wish your load was much lighter, Son, but you never complain. Your heart is pure and your spirit is joyful. You live and love literally in the moment whoever and wherever you are. You are at peace with yourself- a gift that many would pay dearly for if they could.
While we don’t know what the future holds for you, Dad and I know who holds your future- the same Heavenly Father who sent you to us over 15 years ago, to teach us, and mentor us, in being the best parents for you and what you need. While there is always room for improvement, Dad and I continue to try our best.
Thank you for understanding and loving us when we have been impatient and frustrated at times because of the challenges associated with your disabilities. Thank you for being patient with us when we make mistakes. Thank you for loving us for who we are and for teaching us what is important in this life: kindness, sacrifice, humor, and love. You are the personification of all these things, a true hero and role model. Thank you for making us better, less selfish people.
My beloved Brian, you will always be the song of my heart and my joy. I continue to pray for your health, protection, and happiness, and always will. God has given you a great purpose to fulfill in this life as His Ambassador Of Great Joy- so far, you have done a fabulous job! I look forward to seeing what else is in store for you, for whatever it is, you will do it so well and with all of your precious heart and spirit.
I love you,
Thanks for reading! Until we meet again next time😊