Tomorrow Brian begins his final year of special education. He has been on break for the past 17 days, so I am actually relieved, as both of us are waterlogged from several pool days at this point. Both of us need to get back to our routines for our sanity! Brian will be in a different building in a new classroom this time. Transitions are definitely not his strong suit, so I do have some angst about that and how he will ultimately fare..

Fortunately, Brian’s beloved one-on-one aide of the past few years will be with him in his final year. I am relieved that Miss Kristen will accompany Brian to his new classroom. She will help him to navigate an unfamiliar environment with great patience and love. It’s one less concern that I will have, knowing that Kristen will be the conduit between Brian and the new staff. Thankfully, we still have the same bus company/ driver, a huge relief, and one less headache.

So the countdown of Brian’s last school year officially commences in the morning , but this fact has not caught up with me mentally or emotionally, even though intellectually I know this day was going to arrive “some day”..The hot/ hazy and lazy days of the Summer are encouraging me not to ponder this fact right now. This season goes so quickly and it’s best to enjoy the longer days and warm weather while it lasts. Lots of people take vacation time in July and August for these reasons, forgetting their daily responsibilities for a while. I plan to do the same and can prolong my denial, at least for a while longer…

In the meantime, in preparation for next July, I had seen 9 adult day habilitation programs for Brian between April and June of this year. I took notes on each one, observed carefully and asked lots of questions about each facility. I wish I could say that I am super excited by what I have seen, but that would be untrue. Words like: ambivalent, depressed, sad cautiously optimistic and hopeful would be more accurate descriptors, depending on the program. I have seen a particular feature in most of these facilities that I wish I could place all under one roof, truth be told.

The reality is that having everything you want is not possible, and ultimately I will have to choose a program for Brian. It’s a difficult decision to make- you pray you make the right choice. I recognize that Brian’s needs are many and most adult day hab programs are not designed to accommodate significant disabilities due to less staffing and resources, so there’s that… Plus super long wait lists…This is truly a faith walk of epic proportions.

As many families will tell you, the transition from special education to the adult world is like falling off a cliff without a safety net. I feel like I am about to fall, but holding on for dear life and ultimately trusting God to be my parachute. It’s so hard to let go…Wherever we end up landing , I have to believe that it will be OK, even if I don’t feel that way at this particular moment. Now I can fully understand why change is so difficult for my son and how it can make one feel so powerless..

I have a few more adult programs to see in the Fall, then a decision to make, but not today… On this hot and humid July afternoon, more important things like keeping cool and eating ice cream are top priorities. Enjoying the light warm days/evenings of Summer while they last is essential, for Fall always arrives too soon. Getting Brian ready for his first day of Summer school tomorrow is what we are focusing on at the moment: ie, getting clothes ready for the week, lunch box snacks and a note for the new teacher. Returning to a school routine is the best gift for our family and I look forward to taking some respite time.

Next month, Brian will celebrate his 21st birthday- where has the time gone?! There have been lots of ups, downs, highs and lows over the years, as well as many reasons to celebrate our son’s amazing life journey. He continues to inspire us with his courage, love and trust, despite his many challenges. In my times of doubt, I need only look to my son as an example of how faith in action truly works, for he lives it daily and wholeheartedly. ❤️❤️

Until next time, thanks for reading! 😊