Life has been extremely surreal since Mom’s passing just a few short weeks ago…I find myself in certain moments still questioning what just happened, as I grapple with the new reality that she is no longer here. My brain is still having difficulty processing right now: so much transpired medically in the final 10 days of Mom’s life that it makes my mind spin: The multiple diagnoses and trying to make sense of it all…The team of physicians and nurses assigned to Mom’s care and the endless questions/ conversations about a best course of action for her treatment each step of the way. …The major decisions that had to be made and the heartache in making each of those decisions- but knowing my siblings and I were honoring Mom’s wishes made this difficult time a little more bearable…

I can’t stress enough the importance of having a power of attorney/ medical directive in place so that your loved ones don’t have to guess or make agonizing decisions on your behalf should you become sick and unable to advocate for yourself. My siblings and I were very grateful Mom had, albeit reluctantly. I finally convinced her about the importance of estate planning in case something were to happen to her back in 2018. Once she met the attorney and had time to think things over, she understood and agreed it was in her best interests to have all of her wishes legally spelled out. We are all so very glad and relieved that she did this.

I knew, of course, that Mom’s passing was inevitable: how could it not be at 94 years old?! Nanny (Mom’s Mom) lived until 96 years old! Those Irish ladies are a strong, tough breed! So, it was no surprise when God called Mom home on October 2nd, but you still don’t expect it to happen… I don’t think anyone really does…We had been concerned about Mom living in her own house (still!) alone, with just an acorn stair lift and medi- life alert for support. Despite our best efforts to persuade Mom to move to assisted living, (especially after touring some amazing facilities), she was not having it, plain and simple.

Mom loved our family home; it held 58 years of memories of sharing a beautiful life with our Dad and raising 4 children. In the end, she simply could not leave it. My siblings and I were always concerned for her safety and felt sad that she chose to live alone. I, personally, had to “let go and let God”- you can’t force anyone to do anything. I had to trust that things would evolve the way they were meant to. My job was to assist whenever possible and leave the rest in God’s hands. In the end, God granted Mom’s prayer to remain in her home, which is what she wanted all along and for which we were all very grateful for.

Another thing that my brother, sister and are extremely grateful for was the hospital personnel assigned to Mom’s care. Every person we encountered during that difficult time was ordained to play a very special role in Mom’s medical management and our emotional health. I didn’t think too much about what I needed during that time and my sibs didn’t either: we were too busy being advocates for Mom. The whole experience reminded me of scenes from a very long movie, complete with a cast of health angels and a medical plot with more twists and turns that would leave the viewer in a state of constant suspense. It was intense and exhausting.

Slowly, deliberately, and consistently I saw the hand of God directing this movie and its ultimate outcome for Mom, while simultaneously providing her adult children with essentials that they needed to get through this ordeal. The nurses provided us with coffee, juice, sandwiches and snacks around the clock. Someone brought up a bunch of free parking stickers so that we never had to pay for parking. Housekeeping provided extra blankets and pillows during the overnight hours for our comfort. The hospice team provided additional nursing services for Mom, a social worker for us, and a chaplain for us all to sustain our physical, emotional and spiritual needs. I don’t think we even knew at the time just how much we needed all of the aforementioned, but these angels most certainly did and we will be forever grateful to them.

Mom wasn’t speaking since her hospital admission and actually spoke her final words two days before she passed. I was speaking to Mom on this particular morning about her beloved family and friends that she was going to see in Heaven. I said that I bet she couldn’t wait to see Dad, to which she replied loud and clear “I can’t wait!”. My brother and I were both startled, amazed and happy to hear Mom speak this final time: she knew where she was going and who she was going to see after 11 long years…

To be honest, the funeral and repast last week were a blur..The many phone calls I made to share the news of Mom’s passing seem like it never happened. I know many extended family and friends have demonstrated incredible love and support during this very sad time, which means so much.. I know that the Funeral Mass last week was more of a celebration of Mom’s wonderful life than a mourning of her death. I know where Mom is and believe that I will see her again. I also know how blessed we were to have Mom with us for so long…

Mom, I know you will always be with me. I heard your voice in my mind this morning as I was drinking my coffee, encouraging me to get on with my day. I called you automatically yesterday and was surprised for a moment when I heard that your phone number has now been disconnected, but we really aren’t: we have had a special connection since you brought me into the world and will continue to have one until Heaven when I see you again.

I feel like an orphan at the moment, even at 64 years old, as strange as that may sound…Dad’s passing in 2014 was also very difficult to process for a while, but somehow, this is harder, more final…Grief doesn’t honor a timeline, so I will need to allow it to have its way with me, as much as I want to avoid it. I know the great price of love is grief. How blessed I was to have the great love and support of a wonderful Mom and true friend for my adult life…Mom, I miss you, but know that you are always with me…I am proud to be a part of your living and loving legacy, until we meet again….Forever grateful to be your daughter, I love you, until we are all together again ..😘😘❤️❤️