Recently, I had a dream that Brian spoke for the first time at great length. It seemed so real! I couldn’t believe I was actually hearing Brian’s voice! He had a lot to say about many topics and I was in awe of what he knew! How mistaken I was to think that Brian did not understand or was not paying attention. His attention to detail on everything he spoke about was incredible! But all too soon, the dream sadly ended. I’m sure other special parents have experienced something similar and have that same longing to hear their child speak, even if it only happens in a dream.
In a previous blog several months ago, I had written a love letter from Jim and I to Brian, telling him what he means to us. This recent dream where Brian expresses himself so well, made me think that if he were to write a letter to Jim and I, he would once again have a lot to say and impart wisdom, honesty, and pure love. Our children have a way of teaching us way more than we ever could teach them, if we are willing to listen and learn. I think this might be Brian’s goal in his letter to us. Here’s what I think Brian would write if he could:
Dear Mom and Dad,
I know you would like to hear me say what I’m thinking and feeling. I also wish I had the words to tell you what’s on my mind. Mom, I have seen your sadness, especially when I’m upset over something I don’t like or understand. Although I don’t have the ability to speak , I hope that through the speech app on my iPad, sign language, my actions, gestures, and body language, that collectively these ways of communicating are enough for you to understand me, at least most of the time . You and Dad mean the world to me. There is so much I wish to say, that I would hardly know where to begin.. I hope you can “hear” me now as I try to express what has been on my mind and heart for a very long time.
I know you have often wondered if I am really OK, truly happy, and the answer is unequivocally, YES! You have tried your best since my arrival from Heaven over 15 years ago to give me a good life. I know that this has not always been easy, but you have and continue to advocate on my behalf. I am proud to be your son and I know how much you love me. Your love is the driving force that gives me the strength to persevere through all of my challenges. Sometimes I wish the world would slow down. Many moments of my day move too fast and it’s difficult for me to adjust. I don’t always understand everything, but I continue to learn more in my own time. I don’t like changes in my routine and schedule but I try my best to adjust. Most of the time I’m OK with what comes my way, because I know you are by my side and only want what’s best for me.
I know you worry about what will happen to me later on when I become an adult. It’s only natural that you would, but if you look back upon my life so far, every obstacle that has been placed in my path, as well as yours, has always been overcome victoriously by the grace of God. He will always provide a way for our family, especially when there appears to be none. Remember how scared you were when I had my open heart surgery? Or the day, Mom, when you cried so hard when I was diagnosed with autism? Or when Dad lost his job and was out of full-time work for so long? Or when Mom had her surgeries and chemo for colon cancer? I’m sure it felt like the trials of Job during those dark days, but ultimately as a family, we got through each one, better and stronger than before. No matter what happens going forward, God will always make a way and ultimately provide for our needs, of this I am sure.
I hope I am a good example of how one can live joyfully in the moment. I like taking life step by step; it‘s best appreciated and savored that way. My life has been an adventure with few dull moments and I am grateful for that. If I could skip haircuts, blood draws, dental and medical appointments, that would, of course, be my preference. I dislike these things, but am getting better in tolerating them, slowly but surely. Otherwise, I’m very content with water, music, food and the company of others- it really doesn’t take too much to make me happy as you well know.
Thank you for loving me just as I am. I can feel it in your hugs and kisses. Thank you for defending my honor at all times. I know you believe in my value as a person. Thank you for the opportunities that you provide to make my life fun and interesting. I have met many wonderful people because of these activities. Thank you, most of all, for making a permanent home in your hearts for me- there is no other place I would rather be. ❤️❤️
I love you now and always,
Until we meet again, thanks for reading! 😊